


When I'm Alone I'm With You

by aellae_mcr



Series: The Past Haunts You In The Night [2]
Category: MCR - Fandom, My Chemical Romance, frerard - Fandom, my chem - Fandom
Genre: Love, M/M, Past Love, Sad, Sadness, Unrequited Love, past relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-09
Updated: 2014-08-09
Packaged: 2018-02-12 10:08:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2105724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aellae_mcr/pseuds/aellae_mcr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank has trouble sleeping one night. In the silence of the sleeping house, he can't help but remember his secret past lover.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I'm Alone I'm With You

Frank has had  _enough._

He didn't usually have this much trouble falling asleep, in fact, he's usually asleep before his head hits the pillow.

So why, then, couldn't Frank sleep?

 _Fucking Gerard,_ he thought,  _fucking just...just fucking ending the band without fucking caring about how the fucking rest of us felt and then not fucking talking to me and fucking acting like I don't even fucking exist. I bet the motherfucker never even fucking loved me!_

Okay, so Frank knew he was rambling and ranting. He knew he was rambling and ranting about some shit that had happened  _years_ ago and shouldn't even matter anymore, but he couldn't help the tears that formed and fell from his eyes. He sniffled a little before deciding to get up and grab a glass of water.

As he got up, he saw his phone charging on the nightstand next to his bed. Quickly, before he could change his mind, he took it off the charger and brought it to the kitchen with him. Once in the kitchen, Frank leaned his back against the counter, one hand gripping the counter behind him and the other holding his phone out in front of him, and opened his messages. He went to write a text made out to Gerard, but he didn't know what to say. His thumb was left hovering over the touch screen, prepared to write some lengthy text about missing the band - about missing  _Gerard_ \- and about how sad and upset and pissed he was, but Frank felt as though he just didn't have any of the _right fucking words_.

Frank just  _didn't know._  He  _knew_ he felt sad and angry and tired all at one time, but he didn't know how to say it. The more Frank thought about it, the more he found that he just wanted to have Gerard again, to be lovers again, to hold him and kiss him and just  _be_ with him. Frank also knew, however, that he wanted to beat the  _living shit_ out of Gerard.

 _For fuck's sake,_ he thought,  _he didn't even tell me the band was breaking up! No one did, I was the last to know. Hell, most of our **fans** knew before I_ _did!_

Frank stood there, staring at his screen, and just  _thought_. He figured that his anger should also be pointed at Mikey, because he knew that Gerard wanted the band to breakup, and at Ray because he admitted to having an inkling about the breakup before it happened. Frank began to wonder why he didn't feel the kind of hostility toward them that he definitely felt toward Gerard. He decided that it was because Mikey and Ray at least talk to him still. The same, though, can't be said for his ex-lover.

Frank made his way over to the fridge. He opened it and grabbed a bottle of beer, by now completely forgetting his original intent of getting a glass of water, then sat down at the kitchen table. He placed his phone down in front of him as he took a swig of his beer.

After a while of just staring at the phone and thinking of nothing, Frank began to think about his past relationship with Gerard. He thought about all those hotel nights spent under the covers in the dark, filled with brilliant moans and small whispers of soft nothings. He thought about every tear, every giggle, every smile and every frown. He thought about the way Gerard talked out of one side of his mouth and the way he played with his hair, making it stick up in every weird angle imaginable. The more Frank thought, the more he found that he actually couldn't think of a reason that he and Gerard weren't together. They had never really broken up - just - one day it all stopped. And then Frank married Jamia and Gerard married Lindsey. Frank loved Jamia, sure, but she wasn't  _Gerard_.

Frank eventually found himself coming to the conclusion that the reasons he and Gerard weren't still together were Jamia and Lindsey. He really couldn't think of any other reason because he and Gerard were just so perfect.

Frank began to feel sick, because here he was in this awesome house with this awesome wife and these three awesome kids and he was thinking about how much  _better_ his life would have been if he hadn't married Jamia. He loved Jamia and he  _adored_ his kids - fuck, they were the meaning of his life - but all he could do was think about how much he loved this man. So now, not only was Frank mad at Gerard, but he was mad at himself.

He sighed and took yet another swig from his beer, which was now half empty, and looked down at his phone. All he could think about was how much he wanted to punch Gerard in his fucking stupid pretty face of his then kiss him until they both couldn't breathe.

Frank slammed his face against the table then because he could really use a punch in the face himself. Slowly, he breathed in and out, counting the breaths until he finally came to a decision.

Lifting his head, Frank shakily reached for his phone. He knew he'd never be able to write all his emotions into a text, so he settled for a short little "hi". Once the message was sent, he chugged down the rest of his beer. Frank made his way to the living room clutching his phone. He sat on the couch and stared at his phone for ten minutes before laying down.

Frank closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was really tired. He decided he was just going to sleep on the sofa, because really, he just couldn't face Jamia right now. An hour later, Frank gave up on getting a reply from Gerard. He turned his phone off and closed his eyes, finally ready to fall asleep. His last thoughts before drifting off were a plea that Gerard would answer.


End file.
